We intuitively attracted to people who are like us. The “birds of a feather flock together”; saying has some validity to it. Additionally, if people are different from us we try to mold people in our own image. You may remember the story of Narcissus. He was a handsome young man who one day fell in love with his own reflection in the river. His preoccupation with his own looks dominated his time and his thinking.  He was so absorbed with himself that he did not respond to a potential romantic interest, Hyacinth, who was a beautiful maiden. 

Hyacinth did all in her power to get his attention but nothing worked. Due to neglect and lack of interest Hyacinth wept and ultimately died of loneliness and a broken heart. The local goddess had pity on her and turned her into a flower. This story cuts to the very core of our vanity and self-centered behavior. If someone looks like us, acts as we do, and share our values, they must be OK because we are OK. If they speak our language and share our interests we are on our way to creating chemistry instead of conflict. 

People like people like themselves. This is fundamental. It is human nature.  This axiom applies to color, culture, background, financial status and other interests and affiliations. We have an affinity for our own image. We are in the cloning business to some degree. We are comfortable with ourselves and anyone like us must be good. We apply this rule every day as if it were an insurance policy. It is apparent in all human encounters and relationships, even during job interviews and performance evaluations. 

Narcissism became clear to me when monitoring the recruitment activity of my sales team. I noticed that each manager was hiring a certain type of sales person. I could meet a new sales person and almost pick the team they were on and their manager. I decided to follow through on a hunch to validate my suspicion. The company administered a personality profile as a part of our recruitment process. Inside the form were two pages. On one side the candidate was asked to select words others used to describe them. On the next page, they were asked to select the words that they felt were true descriptions of their personality. A correlation was made between the two sets of words and a score was generated which was matched to a personality profile.

I asked a group of managers to:

1. Complete a different personality profile on words that described their ideal sales representative
2. Compare it to their personal personality survey taken a month earlier

Needless to say, many of my managers shared the same profile as the person they felt was the ideal candidate. The numerical ratings were the same. My managers were essentially looking for themselves in the recruiting process. 

Another fact of life is that companies have a dominant culture and tend to hire people who reflect their culture, values, and beliefs. Therefore, companies like people who are like most of their employees. People who succeed in these organizations match or confirm to a certain profile. If the companies see the need to diversify for business purposes, they may not create the inclusive culture necessary to capitalize on the benefits of diverse ideas and teams. There is a powerful force bringing people into compliance if they wish to coexist with others within the culture. 

Pursuing employment with a company involves learning the company culture / profile and determines if the company is a good match for you. Are there others like you thriving in the organization or are people who challenge the status quo perennially relegated to the lower rungs of employee development programs?  If the company is what you are looking for, you need to prove that you are like them in values, beliefs and levels of performance. 

Be yourself is a common pearl of wisdom distributed to job seekers. The intent is that we must be true to ourselves in order to deliver your best performance in an interview. Additionally, this increases the chance of enjoying the job when hired. You are an authority, an expert on your strengths and weaknesses.  Relying on reality should improve your ability to present a factual and believable interview and if you decide not to take the job you can be comfortable with the decision. 

Being you in an interview is valuable when interviewing with the right company. A company that has the right environment will enable people like you to grow and flourish. Many of us have had to be someone else in an interview to get the job. “Give them what they want to see and say what they want to hear has been our mode of operation.” However, there is pressure in maintaining the masquerade.  The charade requires an enormous amount of energy and can place you under tremendous stress. The constant fear of discovery or the reality of living a lie, gradually takes its toll.

Remember, Narcissism exists in people and in companies, through their culture. Do not be discouraged if it seems that you outwardly do not match the company or the individuals on staff. You may have to walk away from the opportunity.  Sometimes a job is so great that you are willing to gamble, hoping that it will become the right fit. Understand the risks involved. Strategies can be developed to show affiliation on some level. Preparation is the key. Research is mandatory. If you cannot be a clone, you may have to leave the job alone and find an acceptable match if not your perfect job.

Copyright © 2010 Orlando Ceaser

I have seen people obsessed, enamored with making the tough decision and others too paralyzed to perform. We confer accolades on leaders who can make the tough call. Leadership is not for the faint of heart and at times decisions must be made that are unpopular and uncomfortable. There is something about tough personnel decisions which are different from most tough calls. When people are involved, concerns arise about relationships, families and emotions.  In personnel matters, you may have to cut your losses early, and carefully weigh your initial investment and the long-term implications of your actions. You do not want to walk away too early from a viable investment that needs a little more time to be productive.

What effect does tough personnel decisions have on the manager making the call? A manager may adopt one of three options.

1. She objectively evaluates the person’s performance, character and job match and act with skill and dignity
2. She changes her perception of the person, as if they are the enemy
3. See changes her personality when interacting with the person, peers and superiors

Performance

We constantly face extremely competitive and challenging circumstances. Economic volatility and instability in many aspects of our lives threaten security. Companies are reducing payrolls and the adage of “lean and mean” is more like “anorexic with an attitude.” Everyone is being asked to do the work of multiple individuals with multiple priorities. Those who are not able to keep up are asked to leave the company voluntarily or involuntarily.

Character is very important, especially in light of corporate and political scandals and other high-profile breeches of ethics and morality. Integrity issues and violations of company policies will not be tolerated. Organizations realize their reputation has a numerical value attached to it. Anyone who poses a threat to the company’s image will be cleaved from the organization. This action requires courage and conviction.

People are misguided and opportunistic in their career selections. If they are in jobs that do not represent their passions, aspirations and interests, they will hold on to the wrong job rather than risk unemployment. Productivity and engagement levels will not reach the demands needed in today’s business climate. They may suffer and perform badly, but will not let go, even when the end is near.

Firing the poor job fit is an act of mercy, especially if you care about them. They may not view it as an act of goodwill or the actions of merciful management.  Years later they may describe it as the best thing that ever happened to them. I recall termination conferences where I was anxious and met a relaxed employee who knew they were in the wrong job. A few people thanked me for making the decision for them. Don’t let me delude you into thinking termination is always welcomed and appreciated, but when you have made the tough call and treated them with fairness, dignity, preserving their self-esteem, you have done your job appropriately.

Change perception of employee

The manager approaches the personnel issue as the body approaches food for digestion. He wants to convert the situation into something that is easy to manage. Some will turn against the employee and find a way to diminish, discredit or ridicule them in order to make the tough call. They play the blame game and make the person into the bad guy.

The employee becomes the enemy and the manager is committed to sabotage over saving them. The employee’s actions are seen through a lens of suspicion. They are no longer given the benefit of the doubt. The manager may also spread damaging words among leadership circles about the person’s alleged ineptitude.

Because this person is no longer in favor, the manager feels justified in their actions to remove them. “They should have never been hired in the first place” is a common phrase uttered about a person on the ropes. Their pleas for assistance in doing a better job are not taken seriously.

Many lawsuits are filed because a person felt depreciated and disrespected. They may feel their reputation has been destroyed. They feel as if the organization has turned against them. They don’t like the way they are treated. The employee lashes out against the company in the only way they know how to hurt them. They tie up legal resources through a lawsuit. Sometimes the focus isn’t on winning the suit as to venting their frustration. They feel hurt and humiliated.

Companies that are more equitable in the treatment of employees generally have a lower rate of lawsuits. If employees who are terminated or leave the company feel you had their best interests at heart, they are less prone to sue you. They have been known to recommend their former company. They may say things such as, “It is a good company, but things did not work out for me.”

Personal transformation

The manager may change personally. They become more reserved, aloof, distant and insensitive. Managers have been known to get angry in order to carry out a disciplinary action. They become selectively ruthless in order to gather up the courage to make the tough call. The person has become the enemy in their mind. This can potentially cloud their judgment and objectivity. The employee is confused because the manager sent mixed messages with this personality shift. The employee understands they may not be performing well, but does not understand why they are personally under attack.

Some managers realize their employee is not viewed favorably by their superiors. Rather than defend their person and work to improve their skills, they abandon them and begin the process of termination, career assassination and dissociation through managerial neglect. They don’t want their leadership skills questioned by defending a worker no one wants.

Some managers resort to anger to give them courage. We learned this as children. I remember fighting when I was younger.  I was losing badly. Suddenly, I let out a scream and charged my opponent. This scream summoned all the courage and strength I had in me. Managers have been known to perform a variation on this anger method to help them cope with making a tough call.

Making the tough call in personnel matters is hard to do, especially if the person is nice. But we must stay focused on our role and responsibilities as leaders. We must staff the organization with people who will rally around our vision of the future. By thoroughly reviewing all options after gathering the data and acting humanely, we set a powerful example for our people. You cannot postpone the decision forever. Mark, a veteran District Sales Manager one day commented on a person who was perennially a poor performer; “I should have fired that him 15 years ago when my manager asked me to, but he was a man with a nice family and now, I regret it.” A new manager tried to right the situation and placed pressure on him to move or improve. The representative’s wife called the office in anger. He was admitted into the Emergency room with what they thought was a heart attack. He was off-limits until he retired, which took several years. The District Manager’s reluctance to fire the manager cost the company, the customers and the representative the opportunity to find his right job fit.

Making the tough decision is a necessary part of the DNA of an effective leader. Personnel matters have their unique challenges. A leader must be fair, courageous, objective and emotionally balanced in disseminating discipline. The employee must be treated with dignity and self-respect, even though they may ultimately be separated from the company.  

Copyright © 2010 Orlando Ceaser

When events are hard to explain or define and we at a loss for words we conclude with, “Well I’ll know it when I see it.” People use this same model in judging personal performance and appraising employee results, especially in the absence of objective criteria. We are very comfortable assessing normal performance, but extraordinary performance can force us to be vague and make bland statements, such as, “She is the best I’ve ever seen.”

As a leader, I was exposed to varying levels of performance. The more people I saw, the more I developed an appreciation for truly great results. I also cultivated an aversion for truly mediocre results. I watched as managers, who were personally rated average or slightly above average were asked to assess consistent excellent performance. A paradox of the absurd occasionally appeared.  Some people ventured into the realm of rating someone distinguished (above excellent) when they were never rated that highly or ever saw that level of performance in their lives. Their personal experience was not a reliable frame of reference, but they stepped boldly into this domain.

For example, a relatively new Regional Sales Director rated a new District Sales manager as Excellent. The performance measures were based on quantifiable sales results from his team members and competencies related to management and leadership skills. He felt he had mastered the competencies of a manager fully functioning in the job in his first nine months. Also, he felt he had a profound impact on coaching his sales people to reach the sales results. When I asked how he had arrived at these determinations, he replied, “At his level of development, he is the best I’ve ever seen.” I relied in the affirmative. “Yes he is the best you have ever seen, but it is my job to introduce you to more people.” He needed to broaden his field of vision and be exposed to excellence on a grander scale.

The frame of reference is very important in a system, when you are evaluating talent. We speak of someone being a large fish in a small pond. We owe it to the individual to manage their opinions of their performance and put it in the proper context.

Geno is a television producer in Chicago. He told me a story I had heard many times before from superstar high school athletes whose eyes were opened when they went away to college. Geno was a star receiver on his high school football team and expected to dominate when he went to college. However, he was astounded by the level of talent and competition. For you see, all the players on the team were top talent and superstar high school athletes at their respective schools. He told me a story of running out for a pass and being covered by an individual who was a linebacker, who ran with him step for step. “Linebackers”, he said emphatically, “are not supposed to keep up with me. I run the 40 yard dash in 4.3 or 4.4 seconds.” Linebackers where he came from did not have that kind of speed. Geno was exposed to a higher level of excellence.

As a leader, we have to ensure we are evaluating and holding people to a realistically high standard. As individual performers, we cannot look merely at local talent. We have to expand our vision to see people anywhere in the world who may ultimately become our competition. Challenge yourself to truly give your best to be your best, because someday it will be needed to make the grade.

How do you find better talent? How do you push yourself to and beyond excellence? It requires research into the qualities of superior performance and the training measures necessary to get there and maintain it. It also requires introducing yourself to people who have a reputation for greatness in your area of interest. Find out their secrets and techniques to consistently deliver excellence. You must continue your research by reading and watching video. This is supplemented with personal conversations with coaches, mentors and accountability partners. These are people who care about you and will remind you of your promises to yourself and others.

Initially, compete against yourself and elevate your personal statistics. Then, look for documented records of achievement of individuals and teams in your field. Workout, research and study with experts in your area of concentration. If you want to be better, to use a sports analogy you have to scrimmage with the best. I captured this sentiment in a poem by the same title in my book Leadership above the rim – the poetry of possibility. The closing lines are,

“We spar with the upper echelon,

We face Goliath, yet press on,

Content to risk, poised to invest,

The time to scrimmage with the best.”

You must practice with prima donnas and execute with the elite. This exposure to excellence will drive your personal performance to world-class results and enabled you to accurately diagnose and develop excellence in yourself and others.

Copyright © 2010 Orlando Ceaser

The capacity for growth, along with the ability to excel lies within each of us. Our desire plays a major role in extending our performance beyond normal levels of exertion. Somehow we were convinced that external forces have the ultimate control over our results. Therefore, we erroneously believe others control our fate and we have to wait for them to grant us permission to achieve our personal greatness.

These rumors and misconceptions must be dispelled. The power is ours. We can think differently and summon strength from internal reservoirs of potential.  We can free ourselves to accomplish the dreams we desire. Success is not a secret or a great mystery. We have been exposed to examples of people who succeeded against tremendous odds. Their stories are known to us. I asked students from sixth grade through high school to tell me what it takes to be successful.  They easily listed characteristics, actions and behaviors. They seldom listed outside variables. The qualities were usually within the purview of the individual.

We have shielded ourselves from our own power source. By standing in front of our light, we are blinded by our possibilities. But it is time to realize we have access to energy and we must not be tentative. The supply of energy must be released. We have to grant ourselves permission to attain it. We essentially have to say it is OK; it is acceptable and desirable to pursue and express achievement.

When we say yes to our dreams, we discard the sandbags that hold us down.  Original hot air balloons rose to reach higher altitudes when pilots threw the appropriate number of sandbags overboard. The sandbags in our lives are the people who want to hold us back and personal barriers that prevent us from being successful.

Don’t blame circumstances

Environment is the convenient scapegoat for holding people back.  One managerial survival of such an environment gave a very memorable quote when she interviewed with other companies. She said, “When other companies were impressed with my experiences, I realized I was not as stupid as I was led to believe.” This gave her valuable insight into the temporary damaging influence of her environment. However, she gave herself permission to seek the outcome she wanted.

Additionally, there are always people who maintain that their circumstances drove them to be their best. Environment suppresses and environment is accountable for successes. How the person responds to their circumstances is the key. We are intrigued by the biographies of successful people. They were normal folk who had an abnormal drive to succeed, despite their circumstances. They give themselves permission to strive for a better life.

Develop confidence

An oppressive and depressive environment can chip away at your self-esteem and affect your confidence. We have a number of neuroses.  Anchored by insecurities there thrives the tendency to doubt our abilities. There may be old tapes running in our brain that sabotage our initiatives.  We can reverse the impact of negative influences.  We can learn to transfer authority to express our talents to our conscious mind.  By drawing on inner power, we gain strength and confidence.

When we lack confidence, we do not feel we have the right to utter the magical words of, “I give myself permission to release my inner power. I grant myself permission to be and to do my best. I give myself permission to be truly everything God has created me to be.” When we release the power we will discover that it was in us all the time, but we didn’t think we had the right to exert our authority.

People can tell you how great you are, but if you do not believe it, the results will be compromised.

Don’t delegate authority

We are known to abdicate power to someone else. We have placed the key to our success into the hands of another person. It may be a friend, employer or a mate. Sometimes others don’t want us to succeed and offer advice to keep us in our place. We therefore allow their wishes to hold us back. Managers and peers have secretly conspired to hold us at a lower status. If we do not take responsibility for our lives and lack the courage to be our true selves, we will underperform versus our potential.

We must hoist the anchor that has held us in place and prepare to sail toward our objectives. It is acceptable to be great. It is OK to want more, to be more, and to do more. We are positively entitled to receive wealth, as we define it, in order to improve self and contribute to mankind. But we have been conditioned to restrict the full expression of our abilities. We are told to stay with the pack and not to go too far ahead of the crowd. But in reality the crowd will never reach their peak if someone is not constantly pushing their performance into a higher range.

You were blessed at birth with permission to excel, but barriers were erected to hold you back. The issue may have been clouded by misconceptions and misinformation. However, it is incumbent upon you to align your obligations with your expectations and grant yourself the permission to excel.

Copyright © 2010 Orlando Ceaser