Reflections

1. Good intentions

When we are in a relationship, it is desirable to understand each other. This may entail thinking about the motives of our partner, even during a heated discussion. We want to find out if they are speaking or acting in our best interests. She or he may means well. Years ago while reflecting on a recent discussion I said, “She means well.” A light bulb went off in my head and illuminated my feelings. Her intentions may have been lost in presentation, translation or my interpretation. This sentence had a transforming effect on the quality of your relationship. Tensions and discomfort were minimized. Once I emphasized the fact that she was on my side and looking out for me, it changed my disposition. This reflection may work for you as it worked for me.

Additionally, we may wish to stop using ineffective words such as “I am not the enemy: I am not out to get you: You should know me by now after all these years.” These words may not be necessary. They do not affirm our position in a positive manner, anyway. It is crucial to state our view in a more positive manner. “I am on your side.” “I am in this with you.” “I am for you.”

2. Imagine your partner is right

Listen to their ideas and remove our ego and the urge to compete and win. Remember there is more than one way to solve a problem. There is more than one right answer. Be objective and pull ourselves out of the picture. Could they actually be right on whatever issue being discussed? Could their idea be better than the one we suggested and more fitting to the situation? Ask if their suggestions would be a good idea if we thought of them? Suppose we woke up one morning with the same idea or suggestion, would we consider it a revelation?  If the objective is to use the best ideas out there, why not give them credit and embrace it? Thank them and praise them for their genius. They deserve to hear it from us.

3. Evaluate the message and not the messenger

Sometimes we are unwilling to give our mate credit for being right. The issue is not with the message, it is with the messenger. Would the suggestions be more acceptable if they came from someone else? We have to remove the messenger from the equation. We compete with the messenger and cannot evaluate the message on its own merit. All of us have people we consider to be experts or have credibility with us in a certain area. When they speak we immediately agree with their remarks. It may be easier to accept their point of view rather than once again agree that our mate is right. If they are accumulating a lot of points and a reputation for always being right it could be disconcerting, especially if we are keeping score. In reality, if we should accept their opinion and be thankful we have aligned ourselves with a very intelligent person.

4. Men and women think and act differently

Some differences in perspective are due to gender, culture and class. Remember women and men process things differently. If they have a different perspective it does not make them right or wrong. Place ourselves in the other person’s shoes. Why do they feel that way? What shaped their belief? There may be a clash in culture and characteristics. They may not say things the way we would have said it. They were created and conditioned differently and society has layered on a range of expectations that helps to explain much of the variance.  The books Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus by John Gray Ph.D. and You just don’t understand by Deborah Tannen, Ph.D. provides valuable insight into understanding the sexes.

5. The only person you can control

We can try as hard as we can to change someone’s mind, but the result may not reach our expectations. We may be frustrated, but bear in mind we can only affect the way we respond to the situation. The phrase from Quantum physics still applies, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Working on self is a project that has predictable results. Also realize we cannot meet all of our mates needs on our own. It takes a village filled with friends, elders and challenging experiences for everyone to reach fulfillment.

6. Remember the good times

Hopefully the pleasant moments outnumber the bad. The original attraction we had for each other was appealing enough to join together as a couple. Reflect on the times together and shared memories. Reflect on the times together and the shared memories. Is winning the argument worth sacrificing the value and the wonder of your relationship?

7. Think about the potential benefits

Treasures, good fortune and unimaginable positive experiences lie ahead. I recall the pleasantries and blessings my wife and I encountered on the other side of the storms. We encountered joy we would not have seen if we bailed at the first sign of turbulence. Many people abandon ship or bail out of the plane when it has enormous potential for a corrective passive to happiness. It will be a pleasure to share the wonder of the vistas and oasis discovered because you did not abandon ship when the storm clouds formed and the discomfort filled the air.

8. A companion’s need to feel special

Women like it when their men are involved in housework. When we leave it all on their shoulders they think it is beneath us, therefore it makes them feel small for doing the work. Our companion frequently let’s you know what they would like and the role they want us to play. This may include dividing up the chores and being more spontaneous to add variety to our routines.  

9. Everyone wants to be heard

Our confidante should be high on the list of individuals we listen to. Developing the fine art of listening shows the other person their opinions have value. Improving communication skills is one of the most cited areas in creating a stronger relationship. Consider how frustrated we become when no one pays attention to our ideas and contributions. The same is true with our partner. Conduct an inventory of your life and relationships. Who commands our time and attention?

10. People are happiest when following their dreams

It is crucial for us to follow our dreams and encourage the dreams in our companion. Fulfillment is a refreshing state of being when someone is working toward their purpose and making a difference. Knowing this to be true should motivate us to help others. When we are the only one pursuing a dream, our partner may not be content standing in the shadows cheering us on if their dreams are not being met. Be sensitive to their position.

Copyright © 2011 Orlando Ceaser

3 Tactics to Fight Leadership Indiscretions

Leaders are reasonably intelligent people; aware of the consequences of our actions.  They are trained on the difference between right and wrong and bombarded by examples of those who broke the law. Every day we see the faces of sobbing men and women, distraught after their indiscretions are made public. People let us down all the time. We let ourselves down. Leaders are human and may give in to the temptations that whisper to us in a powerful siren song of seduction. When they make egregious errors in judgment, people are disappointed and the effects can be catastrophic. How can leaders and the rest of us mere mortals avoid getting into these predicaments?

Business teaches us to be strategic thinkers. There is a format for planning the promotion of a product or service. A vision of the future leads people to embrace the possibilities of the successful achievement of a goal. The market is analyzed along with the competition and barriers to entry for each product. We are taught to assess our strengths, weaknesses, threats and opportunities.

We seldom critically analyze the forces that could personally derail our character and reputation. In business we know that we are only as strong as our weakest link. But everyone is only as strong as their weakest character trait. Perform a joint analysis as we unpack this topic. What are leadership and your weaknesses? Which values are easily prone to an indiscretion?

Control circumstances

We should conduct a self assessment of our morality. This will point to the thoughts we have that could, if acted upon, cause disgrace, disapproval and embarrassment. We could combat those thoughts by controlling the circumstances where this could become a reality.  I knew a person who said he was not the most moral thinking person in the world, but as long as he could control his environment, he would be alright.  He meant he would not put himself in a position to be tempted. He would not place himself with a woman who could lead to a compromise in his morality. He would not have to worry whether he was strong enough to resist if he never placed himself in a compromising position. I read where evangelist Billy Graham was adamant about never being in a room unless there were other people present. Dinners in a business setting with members of the opposite sex are seen as potential hazard unless they are out in the open, visible by other people.

Controlling circumstances also addressed the content of conversations. Leaders have made off color remarks and told jokes to someone whom they felt were like-minded. The other person even added to the jokes or told their own. However, when the person became a performance problem and disciplinary action was enforced they brought up the inappropriate jokes to lash back at their manager. Leaders could benefit from controlling the circumstances and the content of their conversations to resist indiscretions.

Predicting Headlines

Leaders can use their strategic insight to anticipate negative publicity. I find it helpful to imagine the headline that would be written around an alleged indiscretion. Whatever roles you occupy at work or in the community would be linked in the headlines. You should follow this with an interview of the people affected by the headline; the more vivid the imagery the better. Sense the pain and see the tears, as you think of those shamed by your actions. You can tally the economic consequences of your potential disclosure. Calculate the financial losses and divide them by the hours spent on your escapades to arrive at an hourly rate. These kinds of mind games can keep you in check if you are swayed by logic, but power can make you feel invincible.

If you examine headlines you will notice that a person is more newsworthy if they can be connected to something. A title at a company, an occupation or affiliation to an organization or association makes the headline more captivating. Early management training at Stuart Pharmaceutical covered the fact that we were representatives of the company 24 hours a day. If we performed an unlawful act the fact that we were employees of the company would end up in the headline and add spice to the story.

Leaders who visualize negative headlines may use this technique to keep themselves in check and on the right moral track. If not it should make them aware of the total impact and the magnitude and amount of collateral damage.

Apology letters in advance

Another deterrent to indiscretions would be writing an apology letter in advance.  “I apologize for my errors in judgment. I realize that I disgraced my office or family and take full responsibility for my actions. They did not deserve this violation of their trust. I hope they can find it in their hearts to forgive me. I am deeply sorry.”

The translation of their contrition for most lay people is, “I realized the risk involved when I made the mistake. I was arrogant. I thought I could outsmart everyone. I did not think I would be discovered. And finally, I am sorry I got caught.”

What would happen if a leader mentally wrote an apology letter before they performed a bad deed? Suppose you consider your comments and the precise words you would use. Who would you apologize to and what would you say? When they cried or became angry, how would you address their emotional outbursts? What would be the consequences you would suffer and how do they compare to the emotions satisfied by the event?

If we as leaders would summon the symptoms of our disgrace, would this prevent us from acting foolishly? Realizing that we disappointed those who had faith in us or looked up to us, how would we react to their thoughts of betrayal?

Leaders are aware of the consequences of their actions. However, they may become immersed in arrogance that is fueled by a Houdini Effect. They feel they have an amazing ability to escape if cornered, therefore able to wiggle their way out of any negative situation. They may even go as far as to set up escape routes to evade discovery and cover their tracks if someone questions them. Their actions are premeditated and pernicious. I read an article recently that postulated that we have a difficult time imagining bad things happening to us. This may explain why reasonable people are not dissuaded by the consequences of their potential actions. We also may feel we are smarter than others and may never get caught. The contrite confessions aired in the media are from people who felt the same way. No one in their right minds would want to lose everything for a few moments of pleasure of any sorts. Yet ever minute someone gives in to temptation and an indiscretion is born.

Leaders receive religious training and family upbringing to form our moral foundation.  These values can be augmented by the strategic planning, mind games, mental scenarios that work in achieving our business objectives and reputation. Our dual track of discussing leaders and thinking about our personal positions should help us apply the three tactics. The corollary methods should also help us maintain a positive image and minimize the onset of indiscretions.

Copyright © 2011 Orlando Ceaser

Work

In business the Hindre lurks in the hallways, meeting rooms and work stations. They are dormant until someone threatens the status quo with new ideas, especially if these new ideas come from the wrong people. The Hindre always looks for reasons why ideas will not work and how the ideas of others may work better. They allegedly have the interests of business at heart, when they shift focus and direct their critique to the flaws in your perspectives.

The work of the Hindre has cost companies and countries billions of dollars annually in lost engagement and productivity, revenue and innovation. New ideas are suppressed. People are not fulfilled. Opportunities are passed or missed as the company is deprived of the full richness of its talent pool. On a larger scale entire neighborhoods and countries are deprived of entrepreneurs, leaders and positive role models. The Hindre as the ultimate Devil’s Advocates are running unrestrained throughout our lives.

In meetings they shadow your comments. They come to life when their target begins to speak. When others speak they are relatively quiet, but when you talk, they are on the edge of their seats, ready to launch a counter offensive to pounce on your ideas. Many times they will submarine your ideas as irrelevant and inappropriate, only to repackage as their own at a later date.  Therefore, you should keep track of your ideas, so that when they resurface you can claim credit for them. 

When you are aware of the existence of the Hindre, they are very predictable. Your mindset will to prepare excessively to ensure that your comments are well thought out, yet open for constructive challenge. You can use the presence of the Hindre to make you stronger.

The Hindre is known for discrediting groups of people and diminishing their accomplishments by saying that they are in over their head, they only got here through a special program and alluding that they may not be qualified.

In Talent Management and succession planning meetings the Hindre is present. They shoot down candidates with little objective information, but with a plethora of subjective platitudes. They have done their homework and will twist the facts or limit the admission of positive information that could benefit talent to the organization. The Hindre want to restrict your movement and limit and deny access to people, assignments and information that will make you successful.

We must develop the vision to spot them in a crowd and to know that they exist even though we are not sure of their location. Being hidden may give them power if they can catch you by surprise. But don’t give them power over you. Who gave them the right to think they are the judge over your ability and ideas? Sometimes exposure and the knowledge that you know who they are can rob them of their strength. You can develop techniques to question their comments or answer them in a thoughtful intelligent manner. When you are really skilled you can cast doubt on their motives, which can be risky, without the audience support. If rendered ineffective, they may go away and try to discourage others or think of an alternative way to stunt your development.

What can you do?

You must build confidence and surround yourself with people who are supportive, mentors, coaches, true friends and trusted allies. If you do not place this fundamental fortress of protection in place, they will cause you to doubt yourself, especially if no one is comes to your assistance. You should also control the environment which means limit your exposure to the Hindre’s toxic elements. I am not saying that every critical person or critique is from a Hindre. You must subject the comments to a qualifying test. “If they are instructive and productive, I would accept them. If their comments mean well and will make me better, I will welcome them.” Try to determine the intent and motives of the person, the value and benefits of the comments and the potential consequences of action and inaction.

The Hindre may be powerful. We need to resist, but we may not be strong enough individually to withstand their fury. We need advocates and allies to jump to our defense. We need to cultivate teams of believers who will stand next to us when we are challenged inappropriately.

Some individuals who are not Hindres may ask questions in a Hindre-like manner. The first part of their statement may make sense, but the second half comes across as an attack. They may not have developed the eloquence of speech to clearly state their comments without appearing antagonistic.

In football, they assign a person to follow another player. For example, a linebacker would be told to shadow the quarterback or running back. Everywhere they go he is supposed to be there to stop their forward progress. The Hindre serves the purpose with you. Wherever you go, whenever you interact, they are there ready to respond.

In the movie 48 hours with Eddie Murphy and Nick Nolte, Eddie is an ex-convict who is let out of jail for 48 hours to help a detective catch a dangerous criminal who killed police officers. Nick Nolte is abusive to Eddie throughout the entire movie. In one scene, in a moment of remorse he apologizes for his poor treatment and said he was just doing his job. He was just trying to keep him down.

The Hindre is sometimes motivated by biases and prejudices. They restrict access to neighborhoods for certain groups, membership to exclusive clubs for women, resources to complete a project or proposal.

If you want to soar, the Hindre are like sandbags in a hot air balloon. As long as they are in great supply and lying at your feet you will never get off the ground. The objective is to remove the Hindre from the balloon to enable you to gain the altitude you need. Some sand bags are lighter than others and all of them may not need to be removed at once. They may serve a purpose for you, but you are aware of their presence in case you need them.

It is one thing when professional Hindre try to discourage us, but another when amateurs without any credentials state their uninformed views and we listen to them. Why do we choose to listen or believe them? Is it concern for the relationship that elevates their position and gives them the clout of an expert?

Scary things do not exist only in the night. The Hindre is active twenty-four hours a day, damaging dreams, poisoning relationships, restricting productivity and stifling the growth of communities, countries and continents. The Hindre undermine the joy we could experience without the persistent nay saying, negative nemesis that seeks to deprive us of our greatness. We must be aware of their existence, their presence in our environment and their mission to undermine our effectiveness. We must develop tools to nullify their impact and allies to support us and fortify our positions. The ultimate coup would be to convert them into an ally.

Copyright © 2009 Orlando Ceaser

 School

The Hindre has always been with us. Our memories may be filled with instances where we were the new kid on the block or we tried out for athletic or musical events and the Hindre was a barrier to us. You may recall the guidance counselor who directed you to an occupation that was significantly beneath your skill, talent level and potential.

I have been in classrooms where the Hindre were very active. I could see in the eyes of the some of the students, desperate pleas of “Please get me out of here.” The Hindre caused these students to not ask questions, to even misbehave in class, so that they are not seen as the smart ones. They knew that being labeled smart would open them to all manner of abuse and constant teasing by other students. In private conversations, they were extremely bright, but under achieving in order to blend in with their peers. Teachers are frustrated when they see talented students who will not fully express themselves. The Hindre has intimidated bright students to perform to a level much lower than their aptitude and desire.

The Hindre operates on different levels on all continents. A third grader in the United States stated her desire to be a singer when she grew up. Almost before she could finish a young man shouted, “You can’t sing.” Her shoulders sank and she lowered her eyes. The class looked to me for a response. I turned to the young man and asked, “Have you ever heard her sing?” He lowered his eyes and said no. I asked, “Why then, did you feel the need to tell her she couldn’t sing?” He had no response. I assumed he made the remark thinking others in the class would find it funny and laugh. But he did not receive positive feedback from his classmates. The spirit of the Hindre was alive and well in this classroom. The Hindre can be chased out of the room by a crowd of positive supporters.

During a question and answer session in Lusaka, Zambia, a young man painted a scenario describing his interaction with a Hindre. He wants to succeed and make something of himself, but he had a friend who told him he will never make it, to give up and stop wasting his time. He wanted to know what he should do. I asked how he felt about his friend’s comments. He said he wanted to succeed and make something of himself. We advised him to surround himself with people who thought as he did for strength and support. We recognized the difficult situation with his friend, but he may have to limit his time with the friend, and continue to ignore his remarks. We also assured him that when he became successful the friend would return and take some of the credit for his success. “I knew you could do it. I challenged you to make you stronger.” He will at some point ask him for a small loan and try to take advantage of his success.” The Hindre does not like to lose. They will try to maintain contact with you for additional opportunities to reach their goal.

There are Hindre with a malicious spirit to destroy the bright among us. These individuals did not succeed and want to stop others from reaching their dreams. They terrorize neighborhoods and hold entire communities hostage to their violent and vicious reign of horror. Our youth who want to succeed are at risk around the deadliest Hindre of all, someone who will kill them to stop their development. It is not unusual in large cities for headlines and the evening news to learn about promising young students who lost their lives to senseless violence. They were usually an innocent bystander in a drive by shooting or at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Relationships

The Hindre has been placed in and around relationships to stymie growth and long-term success. They may be the friend who always bring inaccurate news that your mate is not who you think they are. The Hindre constantly sow doubt and suspicion. They convince you to start arguments on meaningless matters, so that there is disharmony in your relationship. They may be secretly jealous of your relationship, but you are not aware of their thoughts.

Secondly, the mate in a relationship may not have confidence in their partner. They become upset when they want to increase their education and improve their economic status. There was a young man who told his fiancé before marriage that he wanted to continue his education. She agreed and immediately became pregnant and had several children over the next few years. When he again approached the idea of getting an education, she said she was nervous and felt he would use his degree to find another woman and leave her and their children.

Friendships are destroyed when the Hindre attempts to discourage a friend from pursuing their dreams. They become possessive and dominant about the time they spend together. “If you were a true friend you would hang with me and forget the foolishness about going away to school.” They use the examples of exceptions, those who played by the rules and did not make it. They disregard those who worked hard and sacrificed and became successful. These examples do not support their case. Additionally, they have negative names for them to prevent you from being one of the potentially fortunate ones. These conversations happen and friends with different interest drift apart.

Artistic people are very sensitive. Creativity is a fragile gift and requires the proper soil to nourish and nurture to maturity. An innovative genius can be seen as a threat to someone with no talent or little talent. These artists require love and trust and are prime targets for the Hindre. Instead of celebrating their gift, they steadily bombard them by comparing them to others who are more talented. They also like to quote statistics about the few that make it and the odds of failure.

The Hindre may be insecure, threatened, jealous, envious, biased, prejudiced or just mean-spirited. They will operate from any of these emotions to undermine your intentions of peers who want to rise above the norm.

Copyright © 2009 Orlando Ceaser

The most frightening sights I remember as a child were not the things that went bump in the night. They were not the ghosts, goblins or evil spirits. The images that caused blood curdling screams in my nightmares were terrifying to a point, but not as scary as the shapes in my classrooms in daylight. There were the bullies who chased me home from school and other people who placed fear in my heart. These individuals took the form of my classmates, but followed me through every stage of my life. Wherever I lived, attended school and places I worked, they were there. The name that described these forces in my life is The Hindre™. 

The Hindre is a person or spirit whose purpose is to keep you down, stunt your growth, hold you back, and prevent you from moving forward, realizing potential and living up to your expectations. They are positioned in households to thwart success, to discourage siblings and offspring and to disillusion those who have the ability and talent to achieve their dreams. They are in businesses and other organizations ready to sabotage those individuals who are viewed as a threat to insecure members of the group.

Many of us are familiar with the concept of sleeper cells as they relate to terrorism. These individuals become a part of the community and maintain a low profile. Their actions are not out of the ordinary. They do not bring attention to themselves. Secretly they are living undercover, part of a radical organization, waiting for the time to carry out their mission. They remain a part of the community until they receive instructions, maybe years later to perform a very bad act. Their neighbors are usually surprised when they are exposed. When interviewed, neighbors say things like, “They seemed like the nicest people, they didn’t bother anyone, we had no idea they could do such a thing.”

A first encounter with the Hindre is during your youth. They lashed out against you and hurt your feelings. Exposure is at school or in the home. The experience may have left you angry, embarrassed or ashamed. As you grow in age and maturity they show up in school, relationships, family, and activities and on the job. They are sometimes subtle or bold, undercover or out in the open, covert or overt in their actions.

The Hindre show up in the early stages of development when people and ideas are the weakest and most vulnerable. In school when you are forming your dreams and goals for the future, they bring their brand of sarcasm, laughter, ridicule and other tricks to shake your confidence, break your spirit and damage self-esteem.

At work they appear in many forms. They may seem harmless, objective and well-meaning. But they use their credibility to tear down your ideas and cast suspicion and doubt on your performance. If you are highly regarded, they may use language behind your back such as, “you would think with their education and experience they would know better or perform at a higher rate.” These secret attacks are persuasive and slowly reduce your standings in the eyes of peers and supervisors.

The Hindre’s objectives are very clear. They are to:

• Put you in your place so that you don’t favorably distinguish yourself (they have determined where your place should be)
• Activate the seeds of doubt in your mind and the minds of others regarding your input
• Bring you down so that you are no longer flying high toward success
• Go on record as being the first to launch negative comments and challenges about your contributions (if successful they will take credit for unmasking your weakness)
• Discredit your input and cause you to surrender your dreams, goals, objectives and perspectives
• Harm your performance, even if it hurts the organization or the team

Hindre are everywhere and there seems to be a Hindre for everyone. Friends may become Hindre when they feel selfish and threatened. Depending on your threat level there may be many assigned to you. These friends may want you to stay, for their self interests, try to discourage you and keep you in your place. They are afraid you may become too big for your pants, so they want to bring you down to earth and stop your head from swelling with pride. They are the competitor in class or at work who want to slow down your growth in favor of their career. Your success may be interpreted by the Hindre as their personal failure.

Talent will bring the Hindre to the surface. Talent activates their discouragement mechanism to hinder high performance. As long as you are silent and underperforming they are dormant and content. But when you flex your creative muscles and express your God-given talent, they are pressed into action.

Copyright © 2009 Orlando Ceaser

Using micro-inequities to minimize team effectiveness

Thirdly, the manager created a culture which did not seem inclusive to all members of the group. They allowed the proliferation of micro-inequities within their organization. Micro-inequities are small slights often subconscious with over time cause people to feel devalued, unimportant and invisible. They are verbal and no-verbal cues which cause a person to feel excluded. The word was coined by Mary Rowe, an ombudsman from MIT who noticed that women and minorities felt they were experiencing subtle forms of discrimination that made them feel walled out and not included in their classes.

A manager practicing micro-inequities may exhibit some of the following:

• Not acknowledging contributions or ideas of some of his team members
• Routinely sends out memos without copying them
• Conducts a meeting before the meeting where some are not invited
• Poor eye contact and poor listening skills
• Speaking in a condescending tone
• Introduce some people with more detail then when they introduce others

People who feel invisible or taken for granted may fail to contribute their best and this has may reduce their level of engagement. The company suffers when they retreat and even more when they quit. The manager is sometimes the prime offender and the most surprised when people have complaints, especially those strong enough to leave the organization.

The Administrative Assistants at a large chemical company were in an uproar. Their company was generous in reimbursing them for college tuition costs. Many of them received their undergraduate and advanced degrees; however they could not be promoted. When they raised their hands ion meetings they were discounted and their ideas were not taken seriously unless they were presented by someone else. One individual was told she would never be taken seriously unless she left the organization and worked two years in another company in a non secretarial role.

Women and minorities are a group rich with many examples of being overlooked when trying to interact or fit in within their company. Nancy posted for numerous assignments but rarely was given an interview. She told stories of being under-utilized and passed over for assignments. She allegedly asked for feedback, but never received any. These micro-inequities had her on the verge of termination. She spoke with other individuals applying for the same jobs and they received feedback on how to prepare for the next interview and areas where they needed to improve. She considered resigning, but the job market was tight in her city. 

Use of favoritism and fast tracking

The fourth area of favoritism or preferential treatment can be a pariah to a team. When team members feel they cannot compete due to factors beyond their control, they may not give their maximum output. When special people are on a fast track, receiving the choice assignments and excessive recognition, it can undermine team spirit and morale. Additionally, you may create a sense of entitlement in the person which may cause difficulties with retaining them when the ego can no longer be fed.

One HR manager told me about an individual who was in HR every 6 months inquiring about a promotion and available open or soon to be open positions. Every nine months like clockwork she was promoted. She was an extremely talented person, but she needed to stay in some of the roles longer to get a greater appreciation for the nuances of the jobs. She was on the fast track and impatient. She read her own press and believed her own clippings. The string of promotions was consistent. Her management constantly looked for promotions rather than challenging assignments or lateral moves. After a brief stint of multiple promotions she hit a promotional barrier. She was livid. She had been conditioned to expect rapid upward mobility. When her career stalled, she quit. They played a part in creating this talented person, who had not stayed long enough in any role to develop the credibility, content, depth and perspective necessary to be of maximum value to the company.

I have not mentioned the collateral damage caused by favoritism without merit as it relates to diminished input, reduced morale, lower productivity and resignations. Those who are not viewed in the inner circle, but are loyal contributors will tire of promotional opportunities going to the latest ingénue or Young Turk. The current economic climate has prevented some people from resigning, but when the economy improves they may exercise their right to find employment in another corporation.

Organizations should be mindful of the ways that managers may inadvertently cause unwanted turnover. Leadership training, coaching, mentoring and supervision can ensure that they retain the best employees and not create a climate for reduced productivity and lower engagement.

Copyright © 2009 Orlando Ceaser

 Discouraging drive and desire for promotion

Secondly, we can inadvertently stymie the professional ambition of our most talented employees and place them in a vulnerable position. I often feel that an organization could increase retention by positioning itself as concerned about their personal development. This could be a competitive advantage if you can show personal growth even when positional mobility may not be present.

Mark was a manager who used a different technique to weaken the resolve of his employees, sabotaged their ambition and placed them in a position ready for defecting. Mark’s manager decided to work with three of the star performers on  Mark’s team to determine their readiness or potential for promotions down the road. Each individual true to Mark’s pre workday comments were happy in their current roles and had no ambition beyond a sales role. The manager was particularly impressed with one individual. He asked her why she was not interested in a management role. She hesitated then responded, “Mark is always complaining about the lack of work life balance in his job. He left them voice mail and e-mail messages at one thirty in the morning. His voice mail messages often sounded tired and harried and she could not see herself devoting this much time to a management position.

Mark also felt it necessary to second guess upper management decisions. Rather than adopting than supporting the position and teaching his team to figure out how to make the decisions work. He could have relied on past experiences and stories to show how we can release the power within us to achieve these objectives. He could have used the instances as a growth opportunity, a teaching moment. Companies are worried about the competition stealing their employees when they have managers within making them vulnerable to capture. 

During turbulent times the excellent manager will focus their team on matters they can control. They would instruct them to move away from thoughts and behavior that are not productive. I saw a presentation on gratitude, when the team was asked to flip chart all of the things we should be grateful for as a part of the company. The group was surprised at the comprehensive list they developed. They were accustomed to looking at the difficult aspects of their jobs.

Ironically, Mark did not want to lose his employees to promotions. Therefore, he did not speak highly of relocations. Since there were limited sales positions available, if someone did not want to go to the home office, they would feel there were limited opportunities. Individuals left the company because of this perception which could have been handled differently by their manager. He ended up losing them anyway.

The aiding and abetting can also occur at lower levels in the organization.  Negative veteran employees can be a detriment to retaining less tenured co-workers. Susan was a 21 year veteran of our company. She was a mainstay of his territory. She had seen many managers and team members come and go, but she was steadfast never interested in promotions. We began to wonder if Susan was a positive influence, especially with her longevity. Veteran representatives have credibility with newer employees, after all they should know since they have been around so long.  Susan’s sales were always good so we left her alone, but her team members left and Susan remained.

After a merger, I was surprised to see Susan’s name on the list of candidates for a management position. I ensured that I was on the panel that interviewed her. Why after so many years was she finally interested? She gave credible responses such as her children were out of college and she could devote full-time to managing. When we asked for the names of people she had mentored and helped move up in the organization, she drew a blank. After a long pause she mentioned the name of a 6 month representative she took a job because of a recent opening in his area. She spent twenty-one years with us and could not cite evidence of a consistent pattern of developing her peers.

Susan did not get the job and was angry. I could not settle her down on a one hour telephone conversation. She was so upset she became a performance problem, equipped with insubordination. I was convinced from her comments that she had been that negative force we suspected. She had probably helped more people leave then she convinced to stay. Susan’s story had a happy ending. I received a letter from her telling me about her role mentoring and developing new employees. They looked up to her and took pride in their development. She no longer wanted to be a manager and was happy in her new role. She could have been doing this for years. I wonder how many she could have saved, but that was a pointless line of thinking.

4 Ways to Lose Top Performers – Part 3 – Next week

The Gallup Organization’s seminal work concluding that people don’t leave companies, they leave managers revolutionized the way we look at the actions of manager’s in leading their teams and retaining employees. The survey results were not designed to diminish the role of the company in employee retention.  The survey caused many of us to visualize an intolerant, ineffective, self-serving individual whose style chased people out of the organization. Since employees are free agents they took as much of the
internal tension that they could bear, reached their boiling or breaking point and left for saner pastures.

I would like to discuss a more insidious image than the intolerant manager with no to low people skills; a manager who work under the surface and is frequently overlooked because their methods are invisible to the untrained eye. I am speaking of the manager who is not an agent of the company but a triple agent trying to serve three masters; self, employee and organization in that order. They are or view themselves as greater that the company, wiser than their supervisors. They will put their interests and the interests of an employee ahead of the organization to the detriment of the company.

I am not challenging the words of Marcus Buckingham in his book “The one thing you need to know.” He speaks of a dilemma where the great manager has to decide between the interests of the employee and the company. He says the great manager sides
with the employees. “They know that they are paid by the company to make you want to give your all, but they also know that you will give your all only if you feel supported, challenged, understood, and stretched to be as successful as your talents will allow.” I am speaking of a selfish element that undermines the authority and strategies of upper management and virtually pushes the
employee out the door.

4 ways to inadvertently chase people away

1. Sabotaging upper management and misplaced loyalty
2. Discouraging drive and desire for promotion thus limiting their opportunities
3. Using micro-inequities to minimize team effectiveness
4. Using favoritism and fast tracking to undermine results

Sabotaging upper management

Steven was furious. One of his best workers or should I say favorite employees called and resigned. He called his manager to rail against the establishment. Once again the company was to blame for losing a great employee. He lashed into their pay practices
and their role in chasing away a stellar performer. When he finished unburdening his himself, his manager reminded him of his role as a leader. He reprimanded him and suggested he look in the mirror and evaluates his role in the resignation before blaming others.

Steven was the blind employee advocate. He wanted them to be happy because it avoided tension and caused them to look up to him. He always sided with the employee over the company, especially when his favorites were involved. He could have been charged with aiding and abetting in this resignation. He would not listen to criticisms about her performance. If she received a less than stellar field report from another manager, she must have had a bad day. Others found her to be cordial enough, but tentative in her selling approach and lacking the skills expected of someone with her reputation. She was a customer service representative rather than a sales person.

Steven was very close to his employees, but could not be objective with his favorites. He placed himself in a position of power above Senior Leadership. He frequently evaluated company actions, setting himself as judge and jury to gain the allegiance of his employees at the expense of the company. He would take care of them. His ineffective counsel and coaching were partially to blame for cultivating a lack of objectivity in his people. They could not see their faults.

Steven did what many managers do. They appoint their favorite employee as an unofficial assistant. They would delegate special projects to them and provide them with extensive coaching and insider information, which can be developmental. He felt he needed someone to talk to. Where he crossed the line was violating confidentiality and good judgment by viewing them as a confidante. Steven unwittingly disclosed his personal gripes about the organization, shared his concerns, worries and dissatisfaction with upper management decisions.  He also treated them as if they had the commitment and maturity commensurate with a leadership position.

The manager can weather the storms of leadership and the climate changes within their role. They have an established root system and can complain with no intention of leaving. The direct report however, does not have the root system and allegiance and therefore, when challenged or another opportunity presents itself, they accept the offer and leave. Their faith is not in the organization, but is in their manager.

Steven engineered the transference of loyalty from the company to himself. Loyalty is an excellent retention tool. Some people feel obligated to the company for taking a chance on them, when other would not. The company was responsible for providing the resources for her identification, selection, development and compensation. They may stay with a company because they gave them their first break and they feel a sense of allegiance and loyalty. A person can feel loyal to the company and their manager, but some managers transfer the loyalty solely to themselves. They accept the gratitude and deactivate the guilt mechanism. The manager sacrifices one of an organization’s greatest retention strategies. They create a bond with the employee which includes promises of always being accessible as a mentor. The manager therefore, makes it easy for them to leave because they will maintain their relationship and not feel bad about leaving.

I would imagine that organizations would be outraged to learn about the collusion growing in these relationships. The company’s investment is at risk and the employee may leave before they have justified the time and the expended resources.

Steven passed up on opportunities to challenge her performance and provide the necessary coaching to improve her results. He later found out how she used this information by spreading it to other members of his team which was not his intent. He had spent the entire day writing justification to bestow upon her the company’s top honor and a performance review recommending her for a significant salary increase.

4 Ways to Lose Top Performers – Part 2 (To be Continued Next Week)

Discouraging drive and desire for promotion

Copyright © 2011 Orlando Ceaser

As a manager, I was accountable for productivity and results. I tried to take it a step further. I sought to know why people did what they did. I wanted to know employees thoughts and feelings. They are the subtext behind their actions; the impetus to employee engagement. These variables influenced the quantity and quality of output whether at work or in their personal lives.

The thinking involved;

1. What were their plans?
2. Why did they perform a certain action?
3. What were they thinking during the course of a transaction, activity, assignment or presentation?

For example, after a sales call, I would ask;

• How did their results match up to their plans or intentions?
• What were their thoughts during specific points of the presentation, i.e. when the customer asked a question or wore a certain expression on their face?

It is important to know the action and the reason for the action? If the person understood the cause behind the action, I was confident they could reproduce it when necessary. This cause lies in their thoughts. I wanted them to consciously make decisions based on a plan and their interpretation of the events in front of them. This kind of control is exhibited by peak performers.

For years I treated symptoms. I was a symptoms chaser. I saw an action and tried to correct it by telling people how to do it or how to make it better. In other words, I said, do it my way to be successful or more successful. But management must be diagnostic in our approach and rather than try to correct symptoms, seek the reasons which originated in their thoughts. Most of the time, actions are consistent with thinking. We may need to correct their thinking, perceptions and understanding. If this is done, then the appropriate action will follow.

I observed Becky’s sales call. I went into my usual mode of telling how to do it better when she disagreed with my observations. She said she never said the main part of my coaching. “I would never say that,” she responded. Rather than get into “yes you did, see I have it in my notes, or liar, liar pants on fire,” I asked questions. “What did you say,” I asked. She told me what she thought she said. “And how did the customer respond?” I wanted to know. She said the customer response was odd and did not make sense. “I understand what you mean,” I said. “Let’s connect the customer’s response to what I thought you said. Now does it make sense?” She agreed. Once I understood her thoughts, I was able to correct her thinking and listening. This helps me become a more effective coach.

Thoughts are also important because they affect attitude. Charles Swindoll says that he is convinced that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% of how we react to it. This is our attitude. Optimistic thinking has a greater chance of generating positive results. In his book Learned optimism, Dr. Martin E.P. Seligman states that, “Optimistic individuals produce more, particularly under pressure, than do pessimists. Talent and drive alone are not enough.” Negative thoughts are debilitating and can sap energy, sabotage careers and damage relationships.

Secondly, I wanted to determine someone’s passion level. I wanted to know how they felt and the intensity of their feelings. This is related to attitude. Their feelings are emotional responses to the thoughts they had about life’s experiences.  Feelings reflect their emotional, physical and spiritual condition.

Feelings are influenced by;

1. Diet and exercise
2. Sleep
3. Electronic stimulation
4. Faith
5. Environmental factors
6. Passion for the subject

I seek a holistic approach to life. I realize that I must eat properly to give myself the energy to perform at a high level. Many books speak to the value of good nutrition. I should follow their direction for a healthy diet to improve health. Exercise gives me the fitness and stamina to move quickly through the day, deal with stress and think more clearly. Since I traveled a lot I had to design an exercise routine that I could stick to whether on the road or at home. I only selected hotels that had exercise facilities or had a relationship with nearby clubs. My daily regimen involved calisthenics that I could do in my room. I also learned that if we aren’t physically or mentally feeling well, this has an adverse effect on performance.

Sleep cannot be over emphasized. Many of us are operating below our potential because we are half asleep. We are pseudo zombies, unaware of the numbing effect of insufficient sleep. We are driving as a car in low gear. We need to determine the correct amount of sleep for our bodies and design our lives around getting it. I have noticed that I am cranky, impatient and don’t listen well when I don’t get enough sleep. Small things bother me and my relationships are vulnerable. I discussed my insight on fitness and sleep with my direct reports.

I get mentally tired when I absorb too much electronic stimulation. Maybe it is just me, but loud music affects my thought speed and concentration. I have watched this affect my disposition. I get short-tempered as if under the influence of medication that alters my mood.  The temperament of my children changed after too much stimulation. My children, when they were young, became hostile if they were bombarded with too much electronic stimulation over long periods of time. We had to pull them away
from the loud music and the video games to get a breather and a sanity check.

Faith, worship, study and living a life consistent with religious values affect how we feel and why we feel as we do. The ability to handle stress and bounce back from adversity is linked to spiritual anchors. Many find that cultivating a relationship with God is therapeutic for them. Faith and worshipping the Creator helps them develop feelings to live a more productive life.

Environmental factors which include personal problems may have a deleterious effect on work performance. Managers usually observe a trend line of individual and team performance. If a person who is a top performer or a medium performer begins to
shift in a downward fashion, alarm bells should sound. The manager may find that their thoughts and feelings are at the core of their difficulties. An immediate conversation is necessary to show concern for the person and concern for the business.

Performing tasks that are connected to passion and purpose will propel people to excellence. “We feel pressure from our purpose to align our passion with our potential.” These words are taken from my book the “Isle of Knowledge.” Passion is internal and expresses itself outwardly when people are doing what they love to do. If they are not doing something they love there is pressure and internal tension that says there is a need for something more. They are not fulfilled.

So there you have it. Constantly examine your thoughts and feelings and the thoughts and feelings of others. They contain the secrets to act in powerful ways. This can lead to creating strategies enabling people to obtain remarkable results in the workplace and in other areas of their lives.

Copyright © 2011 Orlando Ceaser

The 2001 Respiratory National Sales Meeting had the earmarks of a memorable event.
Joe Canning and Betsy McKenzie had pulled out all stops to create an agenda
that would educate, motivate and elevate the skills of the entire Respiratory Sales Team.

The Leadership Team which consisted of all of the managers met to receive a final
review of the meeting. The individual managers then met with their Districts to
review suggested topics. At 5 PM we assembled in the Meyerson Symphony Center
which is 3 blocks away from the Adams Mark Hotel in Dallas, Texas, where most
of us were staying.

The short program featured a stirring organ performance by a member of the Dallas
Symphony Orchestra which was the opening act for the legendary Ray Charles. Ray
was in fantastic form as he played through many of his standards. But the
highlight was his passionate rendition of “America.” The standing ovation was
deafening as the group showed their appreciation. Joe and Betsy knew that they
had created a phenomenal week. The 1500 participants dined on hor’d’oevers and
finger foods in the atrium of the Meyerson Symphony Center and slowly filtered
back to the Adams Mark and Le Meridien, the principal hotels for the meeting.

The second day began with a lot of promise. We heard people talking about how great
Ray Charles was the night before. Many stated their disbelief that we would
bring Ray Charles to such a meeting. There were numerous conversations
inquiring about his age.

The meeting began with an opening by Joe Canning, the National Sales Director for
Respiratory Products. He was succeeded by Tony Zook, VP of Sales and Marketing
and Michael Hickey, the VP of Sales, along with Rich Fante and Josh Tarnoff,
Product Directors. The group was dismissed for a break. The break was also to
allow the large group to reassemble in 2 smaller groups representing the East
and West Areas of Respiratory. Doug McNamee was to be with his team in the
East. I was to be with my team in workshops in the General Session room to
receive the product strategy message. It was during the break that the word
circulated about the World Trade Center bombings. The news rapidly moved through
the crowd, as we began to piece together the entire horrific event.

The decision was made to announce the bombings to the General Session and to
dispatch Regional Sales Directors to the different workshops to break the
terrible news. Individuals who were directly impacted were asked to contact
their families. Joe broke the news to the audience and you can imagine the
shock and terror and disbelief. Tears rolled down the cheeks of many as fear
took over.

Joe turned the meeting over to me, the stage that is, for a 5 minute introduction
into the next phase of the agenda. I had planned several snappy introductory
comments, but I had to change the tone. No one including myself was in the mood
for motivation. I turned the program over to Demir Bingol, the Product Director
for Rhinitis products. Demir was approximately 10 minutes into his presentation
when Joe and Tony took the stage and stopped the meeting. Everyone was asked to
take the next 3 hours and contact their families to check on their loved ones
and reconvene at 1 PM.

The Leadership Team and higher level managers and people from the various support
groups were asked to meet in the Executive Boardroom to discuss the plans for
the rest of the week.

I spoke to Scott Climes, one of the Respiratory Regional Sales Directors who was
dispatched to the workshops to deliver the news about the bombings. This
message was to individuals from the Eastern half of the US. Many of them potentially
had family or friends that were affected. He said he had never experienced such
a reaction in all of his life. The tears; the terror.

People were wandering in the hallways. Many rushed to their rooms to begin the daily
ritual of following the news coverage. Who did this and how would we respond?
How many were in the two buildings and the pain and the grief that touched their
families? Was it Osama Bin Laden? Who were the terrorists?

The Executive Boardroom would be the war room for the next few days. Here the
highest ranking officers of the Company would determine how to guide its people
through the tragic events of New York, Washington DC and outside of Pittsburgh,
Pennsylvania.

Tony Zook, VP of Sales and Marketing took center stage. With marker in hand and
flipcharts close by he began with our objectives. No one has ever gone through
anything like this. How can we take care of our people? How can we get them
home, the ones who need to get home? Should we continue the meeting? What is
known? How should we communicate this to our people? When we formulate our
recommendations remember cost is not a concern. Our people are our number one priority.

He elicited the key communication points that we needed to flesh out. Some buckets
or titles were as follows: Travel, agenda, communication, an update on the
situation, accountability. Each point was assigned to a team with a leader to
bring up all of the key issues in that area.

We were fortunate enough to have 2 members of our Sales Team who had
anti-terrorist experience. Additionally, our Chief of Corporate Security was
present at the meeting because of the resources present and number of people.
Bud Bender also had contacts within the FBI which would come in handy during
the week.

A leader was assigned to each team and other individuals were assigned and asked
to align themselves to a team where they could provide input. American Express
One was the travel company. Julie Whalen, our meeting planner was asked to head
the travel committee.

We were asked to take 45 minutes to discuss all pertinent issues and to reconvene,
to make a flip chart presentation to the group. This allowed the group to
provide input and fine tune the response. We were under the 1 PM deadline. We
needed to complete our assignment early, so that we could present our recommendations
to the group. MJM our production company would need time to input the
information and create a Power point presentation.

My team headed by Doug McNamee covered accountability. We wanted to make sure that
for the next 24 hours we knew the location of each employee at the meeting. We
discussed the sales representatives staying in the hotel that evening until we
knew more about the extent of the problem. Reps needed to contact their
management team twice a day to state their locations and any changes. Managers
needed to notify up the chain of command that everyone was present and
accounted for. If anyone left the meeting to go home, it should be documented.
The buddy system was suggested as a good way to keep track of each other, which
was easier said than done.

The dynamic interchange during the presentation facilitated by Tony Zook was a
pleasure to behold. Senior Leadership eliciting and contributing comments and
suggestions, motivated by how we can help our people was marvelous. We were
fortunate to have strategically or luckily assembled the highest ranking
officials in our Field Sales force at the same meeting. We also were fortunate
to have the talent from the military, security and Travel at the same site.
The diversity of talent and experience made it easier to handle our mission. For
with over 1500 people at a Sales Meeting, with many of them fairly young, who
had not face any national emergencies in their lifetimes, this was a
significant challenge for all of us.

One by one the teams presented and the adjustments and suggestions were made to the
strategy and the presentation.

We were developing a game plan to keep people comforted and focused for we wanted
to show our employees that we valued them. The human side came out repeatedly.
There were times we wanted to over protect, but backed down because over
protection can heighten fear. We discussed how to care for those directly
impacted. We knew that the meeting was secondary to our people, but we also
knew the meeting was necessary to keep people focused on something not related
to the terror in the land. After all, the meeting was scheduled to last until
Friday and this was only Tuesday. It became clear that air travel was not going
to be an option for an indeterminate period of time.

The stories began to appear. People worried about their loved ones and tried
frantically to locate them. The hotel telephone system was overloaded. Cell phone
transmission had difficulty for a while. Some people did not wait for the 1 PM
meeting to see what the company proposed to do in this tragedy. Several
instances surfaced of people renting cars and driving toward home without
letting anyone know they left. One manager rented a van to drive their people
back home.  Alternate travel plans were
cropping up all over the place. Some of this is to be expected when you have
sales people who are action oriented.

The meeting reassembled at 1 PM. On the stage were the principal contributors led
Tony Zook, Michael Hickey and Joe Canning. What followed was another example of
leadership at its finest. The depth and professionalism of the presentation led
many to wonder how we could put together such a professional presentation is
such a short period of time. Most commented that they worked for a great
company. We continued with the meeting for that was the best option to care for
our people. There were interfaith religious services arranged by Scott Buchanan
and others in attendance.

Arrangements were made to get everyone safely home. The travel team rented 20 luxury travel
busses to send to 20 different parts of the country to get our people home.
They were richly equipped with food, DVD players, games, blankets and all
manner of creature comforts to make the trip comfortable. One bus left with
only one person on it for he was the only one going to that region of the
country. There was a story of the Company renting two limousines to get one
sales rep home in time for the birth of their child. Watching this tragedy unfolds
and our reaction to it validate our history of being phenomenal in a crisis.
People left saying what a great company we work and what a great country we
live in. I appreciated being a part of leadership making a difference in the
lives of our people during a very unsettling time in our Nation’s history.

Copyright © 2011 Orlando Ceaser