power | The "O" Zone

Instructions since childhood were designed to teach and guide us. Over the years we have noticed remarkable similarities between the directives given in our youth and the requests made of us as adults. In retrospect, their effectiveness varied based on our circumstances and development level. The same is true at work. Leaders and managers give instructions using the same memorable phrases. The objective of these phrases is to elicit our compliance with their demands, commands or requests for action.

“Do as I say, because I said so”

People have used a variety of commands to get the kind of behavior they want. “Do as I say, because I said so,” is the classic power phrase of authority. Parents use it often. The power can be based on position, where they can administer rewards or punishment if someone fails to comply with their request. The sentence could easily end with,” or else.” The job, held by the speaker, confers position power. They are the boss, the parent, the person in charge and when they speak they want others to jump quickly into action. The person using this phrase does not wish to be questioned or challenged. People will also use the specter of fear, brute force, physical strength and threats to persuade people to fall in line. Threats may be physical or assaults to someone’s character or reputation.

Frustrated parents and managers have used this phrase when they run out of answers. When they are busy or in a hurry, they resort to this language to end conversations. They do not want to discuss the matter anymore. They want people to listen, obey and stay quiet.

“Do as I say, because I said so,” is a technique that can influence a number of people. When matched to the right individuals, it is very effective. It is useless when delivered to the wrong person.

“Do as I say, not as I do”

Some people adopt a hypocritical style to exert influence on others. They recognize that they don’t have the discipline or integrity to practice what they preach. Yet, they insist that others listen and obey their dictates and commands. This works in situations stated in example number one, however, the inconsistency and hypocrisy will render it ineffective in some cases. The resistant ones will not comply and they will use the leader’s hypocrisy as justification for refusing to follow their commands.

There is a certain amount of arrogance associated with telling someone to do something that you are not committed to do. The advice may be solid, but the absence of following your own advice, may compromise its impact. They may do what you say, but only when you are watching.

A powerful story was told about Mahatma Gandhi at http://www.witandwisdomstories.com. The blog post “Mahatma Gandhi’s salt less diet” contains the following story. “One day an anxious mother, along with her son visited Mahatma Gandhi. She told Bapuji, “My son is suffering from a kidney disease, Bapuji. I am really concerned. I took him to the doctor and the doctor has advised him to take food without salt.” She continued, “the problem Bapuji is my son refuses to follow the doctor’s orders, but if you tell him he will listen as he worships you and he will not deny you.” The Mahatma asked the mother and son to see him after a week.

After a week or so, Mahatma Gandhi called the mother and the son to his house. He took the boy aside and looked him in the eye and said” You are very important for your mother’s happiness and your health worries her. It is my wish that you follow doctor’s orders and stop taking salt in your diet.”

The boy who was in awe of the Mahatma was so pleased with the Mahatma worrying about him, agreed at once. He turned to his mother and said” no more salt for me Ma.”

The relieved mother stood puzzled for a while and asked Gandhi “But Bapuji, you could have told him this when we came a week ago, why didn’t you?”

To this Gandhi replied, ”But madam at that time I was taking salt in my diet and it has taken a week for me to give up salt myself. How can I advice your son to eat a diet without salt with a clear conscience? How can I tell someone to do something which I myself do not practice?”

Hypocrisy will not be tolerated in today’s climate of transparency and authenticity. Some will follow this request, but must see the benefit or fear the speaker.

“Don’t do what I did – Learn from my mistakes”

It is well-known that experience can be the best teacher. Rebellion is a natural part of the human spirit. Many of us have received instruction, but elected to ignore it to listen to our own voice or the voices of others. Going down the wrong path has caused us discomfort and ultimately we realized we were wrong. Armed with the experience, we wish to let others know the value of staying on the right path. We don’t want them making the same errors in judgment that plagued our lives. We therefore, become an ambassador for the truth. We say to people,” Don’t do what I did. Learn from my mistakes.”

This is sometimes seen as a tough love message or using scare tactics. Former prisoners have used a” scared straight” philosophy to convince youth to stay away from a life of crime. They feel that education on the negatives associated with criminal activity would discourage youth from hanging with the wrong crowd and making questionable decisions. They take the glamour out of disobedience and use their lives as proof.

Conversations in a corporation may involve older employees telling younger employees about the mistakes they made. These mentoring sessions or coaching moments are an effort to steer less tenured employees toward making better decisions on their career path. There is value in information sharing. That occurs when the different generations in the workplace tell their stories of arrival and survival within the context of the organization.

This approach also works on some people, but not on others. There will always be people who think they are too smart, clever, intellectual, lucky, cool or too good-looking to suffer the consequences of their actions. They will view the sad story, as something that only applies to others.

“Do it like I did it – Follow my lead”

This is normally a very potent approach. It is the lead by positive example model. People will look at you, your reputation and your execution and realize the value of your words and actions. Learning occurs through imitation or modeling behavior. “Let me show you how it’s done, makes “Do it like I did it ” even more powerful. Many times, “Do it like I did it” and follow my example, is not verbalized. Yes, there are many occasions where people will issue these words to give a standard to follow, but often its power is in seeing someone act out the phrase. It is the practice that occurs with or without the preaching that makes it work. It is the example exhibited on a day-to-day basis.

Most of the time, “Do it like I did it” and “Follow my example” are positive exhortations. But, it may not work in all cases. People will imitate and follow negative leaders and negative examples. If the culture of an organization is filled with intimidation and a lack of appreciation, individuals desiring to be leaders will pick up on the signals. They will emulate the same kind of insensitivity broadcast by their leaders.

However, leading by example does not work on everyone. Someone will find a way to discredit your work or assign your accomplishments to favoritism or inequality, they cannot duplicate. These 4 directives to influence behavior collectively have been used to get individuals and groups to act and follow orders. They are spoken to move people to action. However, individually, we have found that they may not work on everyone all the time.

The bigger they are the harder they fall. We heard this phrase when we were children. It was usually uttered by someone facing a larger adversary. It was a phrase to give him confidence. David probably gave a similar battle cry before he confronted Goliath. This comment relates to many areas of our experience; business, politics or in our community work. Not only can we say the harder they fall, but also the more miserable they are when they hit the ground.

Business leaders, politicians, associates and celebrities can be arrogant and obnoxious. They can be self-centered and treat others in a ruthless and dispassionate manner. They may use power as a weapon and hide behind the rules and regulations to justify their behavior. A District Manager from a competitor bragged about firing someone 18 months before their retirement after many years of service. He had a reputation for being heartless and plain old mean. He never looked for mutual benefits in resolving employee problems. He wore his tough demeanor as a badge of honor. People felt he could have worked out something for the man and his family, but he did not.

Eventually, the District Manager received a new and younger Regional Manager. The new guy was not impressed with his draconian methods and blind loyalty. The Regional Manager felt his current performance was not up to par. He could care less about the historically loyal achievements. He was asked to improve his performance, but was subsequently demoted. The new manager however, gave him an opportunity to save face, which was something he never did for others. The Regional Manager let him a sales territory anywhere in the country. I saw the demoted District Manager on his last week prior to moving to Florida. He told me, “I did everything I could for this company and look what they did to me. Young man, be careful and don’t ever give your all to a company, because it may come back to bite you.” I thanked him for his advice, but he was a pitiful sight to behold.

Some authority figures flagrantly disregard ethics and operate, as if they are above the law and will never get caught. When their indiscretion is discovered however, they are on television weeping and asking for forgiveness from their family and their constituents. They are the epitome of sadness; tears are everywhere and the sobbing touches your emotions. The irony is that many of these politicians are on record castigating their colleagues who were caught in similar offenses. Their ruthless nature would suggest they would replace the signs in stores they say “Shoplifters will be prosecuted” to read “Shoplifters will be persecuted.”

Role models who abuse power the most; the haughty, cocky and arrogant ones are the most pitiful on the way down. They did not hear when they were told to be nice to people on the way up, because you will meet the same people on the way down. They did not realize until it was too late that it is better to be humble than to be humbled.

The fallen ones are quick to ask for forgiveness, patience and understanding. They ask for leniency which they frequently denied to others. They somehow feel their situation is different and they should get clemency when others should not, which is linked to their arrogance.

Disgraced individuals elicit mixed emotions from their public. Their constituents may be outraged by the violation of their trust. However, some will caution against being judgmental. They will advise people to forgive, that they are only human and concentrate on the good they have produced. Many of us may be tempted and may give in under a perfect storm when circumstances meet our weakness. To ensure that we are not mired in a hypocritical state, we should consider implementing some of the following strategies.

Greater self and other awareness – Realize your vulnerabilities and the motives of others. Samuel L. Jackson once noted that women may not be after him for his good looks, but his celebrity was the driver of some of his attention. Power attracts people, so understand how it works.
Have an accountability partner or mentor – They will serve as a confidante or sounding board. This could be good friend on personal matters. A variation on this theme is to surround yourself with people who are beyond reproach who are not afraid to challenge you when you get out of line or start drifting from proper behavior.
Control the situation – Focus on how things might look to others. Optics is a word used to describe how it might look to people who don’t know your character or do not know all of the facts. It is not always about your intentions. Innocence can look suspicious under the wrong lights. Evangelist Billy Graham was once said to be adamant about never putting himself in a position where he was alone with a woman other than his wife. There was always another person present. This is not paranoia, but being careful. You might not be morally the strongest person on record, but if you control the optics and the circumstances you can rebuke some of the challenges.
Calculate the cost of the indiscretion. When you are contemplating the power of the temptation, you may want to consider the itemized cost. In order to deliver a pre-emptive strike, consider the total value of your assets and divide this by the time spent with in the indiscretion. It is best to do this before the temptation puts its hooks in you or you are blinded in the heat of passion. You will arrive at an astronomical rate that would far exceed what you would be willing to pay on the open market.

Recognize that power and temptation are often companions on our walk through life. Power causes excessive pride and is converted into arrogance in us and in our leaders. It feels good to flex our managerial muscle and watch people scurry and respond to our will and selfish demands. The ego may swell when power increases and we experience a feeling of entitlement and invincibility. We may develop the urge to abuse power and convince ourselves that we will not suffer the consequences. If we are not careful we will find ourselves if not on camera, in another setting begging for forgiveness and another chance to act responsibly and earn someone’s trust.