5 Self Restraining Tendencies (SRT’s) That Can Hurt You

January 8, 2016 ~ Orlando Ceaser

We are human and therefore, have idiosyncrasies, nuances and eccentricities that come with our personalities. Many of these unique characteristics position us for survival and success. But some of these peculiarities are counterproductive and are detrimental to our growth. I will call them self restraining tendencies or SRT’s. They are not necessarily life-threatening, but they may serve as impediments to development.

SRT’s are indigenous to human beings. They may be formed by life experiences and thoughts and subsequently create insecurities. They may be pseudo-defense mechanisms to allegedly protect us. SRT’s may be categorized as bad habits that may hold us back, restrict growth or work against us. How do we know we have them? Self assessments and times of reflection can increase self awareness and reveal SRT’s, as we examine our lives and impact on others. Additionally, we may receive the gift of honesty from a friend through candid comments. Constant feedback from co-workers, parents and peers can also be useful by adding to our enlightenment. But, we must be objective, receptive and appreciative of their candor.

5 Self Restraining Tendencies (SRT’s)

Procrastination
Poor communication skills
Negativity mindset
Toxic people skills
Lack of Integrity

1. Procrastination

It is interesting to learn that many people are struggling with procrastination. The act of postponing things until later is not intellectually difficult for people to understand. They know that something should be done immediately and to postpone will have consequences. But, nevertheless, they still will delay until later, that which should be done today.

We recognize that we may not feel like doing something right now or we have awarded a greater priority to something else. If we continue to kick the can down the road or delay the inevitable, we will continue to waste time and effort and increase the amount of stress in our lives.

Lisa was interviewing for a job as a pharmaceutical sales representative. She felt very comfortable with the interview. The interviewer asked her about her number one shortcoming. She responded, “I am a procrastinator. I get things done, but sometimes it takes me a while to get started.” Procrastination was her Self Restraining Tendency, but the interview may not be the right place to disclose this particular self restraining tendency.

2. Poor communication skills

Communicating is something we do every day. It is the currency by which we interact with people in order to state our ideas, convey instructions and build relationships. Those among us, who communicate effectively, actually have an advantage at school, in our careers and in relationships. If we are hampered by poor communication skills, our effectiveness is restricted. This self restraining tendency, like the others featured in this article, must be identified and corrected.

Poor communication skills could be non verbal or verbal to include written, body language and group presentations. Ask yourself, “Am I plagued by poor communication skills? Are there aspects of my communication ability that are hindering my progress?” Conduct a self-assessment. Diagnose your communication ability to see if there is a deficiency. You may seek to solicit feedback from respected sources and trusted friends and colleagues to see if they can identify areas that require improvement. When the SRT is disclosed, a change management process should be initiated. However, rather than go through multiple steps to change we should go directly from denial to acceptance and put a plan in place to correct the SRT.

3. Negativity Mindset

People who have a negativity mindset are not necessarily the individuals who look at the pros and cons of every situation. I am speaking of the people who like to rain on the parade. When the entire group has decided to move in a positive direction, they are the naysayers who constantly focus on what is or could go wrong. They provide excuses rather than explanations. They seldom do anything but complain without the slightest contribution to positive constructive participation to change anything.

4. Toxic people skills

The toxic people SRT is different from the poor communication skills mentioned earlier. Individuals prone to this tendency will use power to humiliate and intimidate in order to gain the upper hand or to create an environment of fear.

My son worked for an organization where the new boss actually said, “When I walk into a room I want people to fear me.” He wanted people to be intimidated by his presence. This attitude is supported by language and interactions that cause stress, a lack of trust, poor engagement and ultimately subpar performance. Individuals with toxic people skills may speak about people behind their backs, pit coworkers against each other and generate an atmosphere of tension.

People with toxic people skills may be cursed with the propensity to enter every interaction with a transaction mindset. They are constantly thinking what is in it for them, how can they beat the other person by any means necessary and how it can only help them succeed. This is prevalent in relationships where they only socialize or interact with people who can help them advance their position, today.

5. Lack of Integrity

People with a lack of integrity are flawed in their relational and work performance. They utilize a winning at all cost or any cost approach to work and relationships. People with this tendency view the rules as an inconvenience, something for weak minded people, to be broken and circumvented whenever possible. Breaking rules is seen as a badge of honor, a necessary evil to give themselves the ultimate advantage toward victory.

Invariably, this SRT will cause the downfall of their career and reputation. Oftentimes, the integrity flaw does not manifest itself until well into a person’s career. Please find below a chart illustrating a natural career growth curve and the various points of indiscretion where a lack of integrity can doom a person’s career.

If a lack of integrity shows itself at the end of someone’s career, a lot of their positive contributions can be discounted and shrouded in suspicion, nullifying their reputation. If a lack of integrity revealed itself early in someone’s career, they may never have the opportunity to make significant positive contributions or to realize the potential present in their talents and abilities.

Ideally, we should establish self restraining orders or SROs for those character traits which are limiting our joy and effectiveness. The five self restraining tendencies listed or others should be addressed if they are a problem for you. They have the capacity to limit your effectiveness and keep you away from realizing your full potential in every segment of your life.

Nullification of Positional Power – Undermining authority

August 20, 2015 ~ Orlando Ceaser

The merger was in full bloom. HR and local sales leadership from both companies met to resolve some issues and establish a working relationship. The highest ranking person in the group was a Director, who was African American. The discussion was very intense and the room responded as if the Director did not have a rank several positions above their own. At the end of the session the HR person turned to the Director and stated, “People at our company would have never reacted to you as they did. They would be more respectful of your position.”

Disregarding and nullifying positional power is more common than we think. It is a risky proposition, potentially detrimental to all parties involved. Additionally, it is difficult to prove in many instances. In most instances, the evidence is circumstantial, relying essentially on body language cues and hurt feelings. Unless you can quantify it with actions on the part of the perpetrator, the target appears insecure or overly sensitive.

New leaders have stated how they do not receive the prestige, recognition and respect they deserve from their peers and subordinates. Shockingly, people lower in the organization challenge them when they would not challenge others with the same level of authority.

The nullification of positional power is a universal problem, but women and minorities have expressed it many times in conversations. They feel as if their jobs are not perceived the same as others in their position. When nullification is evident, and in its worst cases, the team does not function, as well as it should, which ultimately could reflect negatively on the manager. Team members may also suffer the consequences of reduced effectiveness and its impact on financial rewards. Engagement levels may go down and productivity can be adversely affected if this practice is not addressed.

Sometimes, nullification of positional power shows itself in overly aggressive challenges to your authority, undermining your directives and refusing to seek your guidance or valuing your opinion. You may be tempted to retaliate or verbally castigate them in public. But remember, you are still the leader and must be above the fray, as it relates to executing the duties and responsibilities of your position. You cannot let your ego impair your judgment. Public admonishments or executions, may feel good, but can damage the defectiveness of the team.

It is interesting how some people walk around with a look on their face that says,” I don’t care what job you have. I am still better than you and will not accept you in your role in this organization.” They are defiant and have a difficult time suppressing the conditioning they received from their experiences, environment, biases, preferences and stereotypes.

It is a fact that most of the time nullification of positional power is not blatantly obvious. It is demonstrated through negative body language, micro-inequities and comments made in private. Micro-inequities are subtle actions, often unconscious offenses, injustices and inconveniences that make the recipient feel inadequate, insufficient, irrelevant, unimportant, insignificant, unnecessary and undervalued. They may be verbal or non verbal and reflect overt and covert actions. The persistent activity may cause people to second guess their competence and lose confidence in their abilities.

It may seem easier to address this behavior if the individual reports to the manager. But the behavior is not usually out in the open. The actions may be underground and committed in secret. Significant damage may be done to your effectiveness as a leader, before you discover this breach in your positional power.

Within many organizations it is acceptable to challenge ideas for they pride themselves on candor. That is their culture and it is understandable. Challenge is in their DNA, as a part of their mindset which is evident in their practices. Candor is woven into the fabric of their culture and no one takes it personally when challenged by someone lower in the organization. Status and titles are irrelevant when they are solving problems or developing ideas in brainstorming sessions. However, respect of all levels is expected.

Nullification of positional power is often used against the new manager. Some people deliberately set out to embarrass the new manager. They feel the person does not deserve the job for a variety of reasons and find it distasteful that they have to report to them. They may try everything in their power to cause them to fail by not cooperating and performing at a lower level beneath their capabilities.

Nullification or disregard for positional power has always been an enigma to me, particularly with people, who were actually afraid of leadership. However, they become emboldened and antagonistic when certain people were promoted into a job. Whereas, they were cautious with their words around most leaders, because they were concerned about their careers, these same individuals took a huge risk and acted out of character, because either they did not care or felt there would not be any repercussions.

A District Manager was promoted to his new assignment. He lacked the experience of some of the senior members on the team. One of the members thought they should have received the promotion. He did everything in his power to make the job difficult for the new manager. Years later, he confided in me that he did this out of spite. He did not respect the person in the position and worked within his power to make it difficult for his new boss. He told me, as if to soothe his conscience during a moment of remorse.

Occasionally, resistance to the new manager is in the subconscious realm. There is unconscious bias where people do not recognize what they are doing. When they are reprimanded for insubordination or written up for behavior unbecoming of a team member, they are surprised. Their argument is that they were just stating their ideas and the manager became offended and took it personally. However, it is often conscious, malicious, intentional and secretive.

A Regional Manager was conducting a session with one of his Districts. There was dissention in the group. He brought them in for an opportunity to clear the air and for the District Manager to essentially apologize for his actions, reset expectations for the manager and each member of the team. The meeting ended and several members left in the same car to return to their territories. Before they departed the sound of the Regional Manager’s voice was heard in the back seat. The driver who was a veteran representative went to the backseat and shut off the tape recorder. Apparently, he had secretly and illegally taped the entire meeting. The other representatives were surprised by his actions. His actions gave a signal to the other members that it was OK to act in a manner that nullified the positional power of the Regional Manager.

What does a manager do when they are aware of members in her organization trying to nullify their positional power? What does she do when she discovers the corrosive impact of subversive comments and actions?

If the action occurs in a meeting, they could table the discussion until later with words such as, “John we can take this conversation off line and I’m we can resolve the issue and bring it back to the group.” It may be documented as a performance issue and expectations and consequences stated if the behavior continues. Sometimes, companies may reassign promising performers and justify it by saying there was a personality clash with the new manager. This could send a dangerous message, set a dangerous precedent and inadvertently sanctioned inappropriate behavior.

One of my favorite personal stories involved an encounter I had when I attended a manager’s meeting. I was from the Home Office, which usually has a mystique associated with it. After all I was from the epicenter of power for the organization. I was at least two levels above most of the people in the room. A manager two level below me misunderstood my position on a certain point. He raised his hand and said, “I strongly disagree with what you just said.” The room became very quiet. I responded, “Allow me to restate my case, because if you heard me right, I’m sure you would not “strongly” disagree with my position.” I repeated my statement almost word for word and he acknowledged that he was in agreement.

Leaders should not get provoked into unprofessional behavior. The matter can be addressed by going to supportive leadership within your company. Your job as a leader is to be a leader for all, even though everyone may not want you in the job. Press on. Show your value and contribute substantial results, resources, reputation and financial performance. If they don’t, the matter must be discussed with their supervisor, with specific examples of the breach of protocol.

Your performance and your network of supporters will change the perception of some of these detractors. You will never be liked by everyone, but your leadership and excellent performance will add value to the company. Inappropriate behavior and disrespect should be handled appropriately and should not be tolerated.

Lastly, leaders can counteract nullification of personal power by elevating their social power or social capital. Your personality, work ethic and integrity are revealed to the organization through personal and professional interactions. People get to know you and realize what an asset you are to the company. They realize that you are committed to their personal growth and development. They may become advocates and speak out against those who are stabbing you in the back. Team members see that you belong in the job and are the right leader to help them achieve their personal and professional objectives.

Authenticity – From Impressionist to Your Authentic Self*

May 11, 2015 ~ Orlando Ceaser

The path to understanding people will lead to greater personal awareness. There are 4 roles you may encounter during your developmental journey. Several contain character traits and skills commonly associated with actors and other performers. The 4 portraits can be seen as roles played that can influence personality styles and overall performance. They are the impressionist, impersonator, imposter and the authentic self. Knowledge of these images and the ability to adjust to them will enable you to adapt and survive in business and social situations.

Impressionist

The impressionist likes to imitate or model someone they admire. They may copy their speech patterns, mannerisms, key phrases, behaviors or routines. The television show Saturday Night Live garners huge ratings during presidential elections. Their actors do a fantastic job with impressions of the political candidates. Actresses Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s impressions of Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton were performed to perfection and rave reviews.

People may accidentally or intentionally model character traits that are synonymous with someone else. Some will select a person and duplicate the way they make decisions or perform their jobs. Individuals may stand like them or speak like them and conduct meetings the way they do. Additionally, they may be drawn to someone’s excellence and decide to emulate a particular characteristic in order to make it their own.

There is a danger in randomly and haphazardly imitating too many people. A person may lose their own identity. Rich Little a famous impressionist who made a living imitating famous entertainers once said, “I have done so many impressions I sometimes forget what my voice sounds like. It is true that we are a composite of many people but we must be strategic and systematic and how we inculcate their traits into our personality. We must be consistent with our true nature and not forget who we are.

Professional development can be helped by utilizing the appropriate impressions. In the early days of my career I worked in the Sales Department, where I had to make decisions when my boss was on vacation. I would ask myself, “How would John handle this particular situation or what would John do if faced with the same set of circumstances?” I would use the same wording and try to deliver messages with the same tone, emphasis and authority, as I imagined John would do it. My impression of John’s decision-making was instrumental in my growth and development.

We are all impressionable and prone to mirror and match behavior. We assume these impressionist tendencies to cope with our environment. This is how we survive and grow. One of the side effects of our impressions is that we may be accused of kissing up to management or trying to gain special favors by being the teacher’s pet.

Impersonator

An impersonator is an impressionist who is totally immersed in a role. They may temporarily abandon their identity and put on another persona. You have seen female impersonators, Elvis impersonators, individuals who impersonate presidents and other political figures. They may go to great lengths to excel and playing the part. We hired a guest speaker who was an impersonator of former president Bill Clinton. He looked like him, spoke like him and had the similar mannerisms. We wondered if he naturally looked like the former president or were enhancements necessary to project that appearance. It may take tremendous sacrifice to stay in character.

Impersonators may eat, sleep, think and act like the person they are imitating. They may assume the person’s name in public. They lose their identity and put on the image and character of another. They will conduct their daily activities from the vantage point of how would that person perform an activity or live their lives. They may give up their own ideas and opinions to become the other person, thus paying tribute to their idol.

Organizations have been known to promote clones of their top executives. This is the epitome of advertising to their employees, the value of impersonating and projecting the corporate image.

You must be careful. Do not surrender your personality to play a role. If you abandon your key traits and characteristics to assume the role of another you have denied yourself the right to fully express your gifts. You cannot fool people into thinking you are the original and you will deprive the world of your authentic self. Remember, a copy will never be a superior representation of the original.

The use of the impersonator style may be due to the image that is rewarded in the organization. People reproduce what is rewarded and what the organization really wants to see. Being an impersonator could also be as innocent as not feeling safe or appreciated by the company. The use of the impersonator style is typically designed to gain a personal benefit. It is often used to please someone in power with your ability to pattern your behavior after their professional image. You may be seeking a mentor/protégé relationship. You are hopeful that they in turn will generously lavish you with special favors or recognition.

Imposter

The imposter is based on misrepresentation. They claim to be someone or something they are not. They present an image that is inauthentic, false or misleading. This is easy to see on the movie screen or in television shows where the person assumes the identity of a dead person or through examples of identity theft, where someone assumes another person’s identity to steal their money.

However, an imposter is difficult to see in business and in your relationships, especially if we want to believe they are who they claim to be. Hopefully, we find out about their deception before significant damage is done.

The imposter in an interview misrepresents their personal history. They may assume the personality of someone they think the employer is wishing to hire. They may profess credentials, such as degrees, skills or connections that are nonexistent. They present themselves with high integrity and character which are far from their real values and personality. The imposter is a liar and will do anything to fool you into thinking their façade is their true image or actual position on an important matter.

Years ago one of our offices on the West coast hired a person they were pleased to bring on board. They said she was intelligent, beautiful and articulate with an electric personality. When she arrived at the office to sign up for the company orientation they were surprised by her calm, demure and low keyed demeanor. She was introverted and had little to say, which was a concern since she had to make presentations to physicians. They felt something was wrong, but they couldn’t explain it.

At the end of the second day of her orientation she mentioned that she was going to meet her sister for dinner. She introduced her sister to the group. You guessed it. It was her twin sister. She was equally beautiful, articulate and intelligent with an electric personality. They wondered if they had hired an imposter. Most cases of imposters are not this dramatic.

When an imposter is discovered, justice is usually swift. The person is confronted, embarrassed and fired. Their reputation is ruined and many people may be hurt in the process. If you are tempted to pose as an imposter, remember, the results are rarely positive. The masquerade is seldom worth the pain and embarrassment when you are exposed.

Authentic Self

The authentic self should be the desired objective or personality style. You should be vigilante and remain true to your real character and true self. The authentic self is who we really are. It is true that we may model some of our behavior after the three earlier models. However, this is done to enhance not to misrepresent your authentic self.

We are a composite a combination of many factors woven together to form a distinct creation with the potential to achieve phenomenal results. If we feel threatened we will be reluctant to bring our whole selves to work because it may be used against us. This fear is a challenge to authenticity and may tempt us to be an impressionist, impersonator or imposter to ensure our survival.

You will find out that there is no substitute to being authentic. The refreshing satisfaction of fulfilling your purpose will grant you the peace you need to joy the success of the life lived to the fullest with integrity.

*Excerpt from Unlock Your Diversity Greatness, release date 4^th quarter of 2015